“Just Be Curious”
When you find yourself in the middle of a tough situation and you are feeling emotionally activated as a result of the experience, one way to practice pausing in your emotional escalation is to “just be curious”.
A few examples of work situations where we might be emotionally escalated; a comment on some work you’ve done feels critical, an email just opened feels harsh, another member of the team leaves you out of an important decision, etc. So, let’s say you are in a meeting and a colleague challenges some recent work that you’ve put out. It feels critical to you and the internal emotional escalation begins (quite appropriate when we, for whatever reason, are feeling threatened). You feel “emotionally hijacked”. You are gone (as in not feeling “in” your body for the moment) and are completely focused on the situation at hand; alert to “danger”, ready to respond. The surge is real. What do you do to ground yourself?
One simple technique is to focus on being curious about the experience in your body and then translating that to the situation at hand. First – get control in your body. Just notice the sensation in your body; focus on your breathing and say to yourself “isn’t this interesting that my body is reacting this way – huh!” No judgment, just noticing. This has the same effect as jamming a stick in the spoke of a bicycle wheel that is turning – it stops immediately. The split second that it takes to notice your body and be curious is enough time to shift your thinking and slow or stop the escalation. You won’t get swept up in the current of the emotion.
Second – turn your focus to the situation at hand. Think of the way a dog tilts his head when curious about something (although I wouldn’t recommend you do that in a meeting – your “internal” motion might do this). Be curious about your colleagues reaction or comments and say to yourself “I wonder what it is going on for them and their need to make this comment?” Be genuinely curious and try to avoid being defensive (the first step will help with this). Again, this split second thought is intended to give you a chance to “land” in the moment and practice pausing before reacting in, what inevitably will be, a more controlled and thoughtful way. Sometimes, it allows us to hear more clearly what is actually being said.
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As always, practice, practice, practice until a thing becomes a habit. Once again, this requires turning inward first; noticing the self first and drawing on those resources. Try it the next time you are feeling “emotionally hijacked” and “just notice” the difference it might make. Pause.
The visual below might also be a helpful cue about being curious. Think of the boxer. Peace to your heart. Susan
Pinterest, 2014
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